Pillar of the Community or a Communal Narcissist?

Is this person a genuine do-gooder because they have a good heart and want to give back to the community or is the goodness all for show?

Maybe they're building houses for the poor, rescuing animals or children, designing a sustainable eco retreat or organising gather events for charity, all of which is posted all over social media.

The posts will be full of hashtags like #peoplesavingpeople to make them look good when really their hash tag should say #Iwantattentionforpretendingtobekind.

Hmmm maybe that's too long for a hash tag but you get my drift. Of course they thrive on all the positive comments from people who believe they are heart based rather than ego based. Essentially they want to be viewed as kind, caring and helpful people. This is how they get their narcissistic supply of attention and validation. In their mind they are the next Gandhi or Mother Teresa and expect the adulation they believe as due to them.

The posts will be full of hashtags like #peoplesavingpeople

when really their hash tag should say #Iwantattentionforpretendingtobekind.

Now of course there are many genuine heart-based people who do an enormous amount of good in the community. The difference between them and the communal narcissist is the motivation to do what they doing. Communal narcissists care about their own self-aggrandisement, deriving a sense of self through being a giver. However the person they portray in public is not seen in the home environment. The family is often abused and degraded by this seemingly wonderful person who is so well regarded in the community. For instance, the caring first responder who just saved a young girl’s life may go home and beat his wife. But who would believe the wife if she spoke out? Here we see Jekyll and Hyde at its most insidious. A lily-white public persona and a very dark private persona.

The communal narcissist's elevated position in the community gives him immunity as an abuser. Most likely the partner of a communal narcissist would have to relocate to be able to start a new life without being made an outcast by the local community. This is especially true if you live in the small town. Communal narcissists carefully manage their community persona to the detriment of their personal relationships. They may spend all their time in their public role, neglecting their partner and children and perhaps make large donations at the expense of their family’s wellbeing to make themselves look like a philanthropist. A narcissist only gives to receive positive validation of their false self.