The Relationship Bill of Rights

When we go into a job we have rights and responsibilities and a procedure to follow if we have a grievance with our workplace. Of course, not all places we work are a good fit for us but we can resign and move on to a workplace culture that fits us better.

In personal relationships people have their own agendas and expectations about the culture of the relationship which is mostly unspoken. In a relationship with a narcissistic, toxic, difficult or controlling person you may be very clear in communicating your desires and expectations for the relationship, but the narcissist won’t be. They may nod and make all the right noises about your hopes, dreams and goals for the relationship but that’s their false self doing the nodding. Their real self is silently fuming and laughing at you because they are going to condition you down to having no rights in the relationship.

Real love is about respect, not power and control. In this episode we look at your rights in any relationship. These are not negotiable and you get to pick them. I’ve compiled a list here which you can find on my blog which is on my website janhaldane.com. Feel free to add or subtract from this list until you come up with your personal Relationship Bill of Rights. This is what you deserve and if you’re not getting it, your relationship is out of kilter with your values which is upsetting at the very least.

If you’re currently dating, this is an opportunity to get clear on what you want from a relationship. Of course, remember that you must be willing to accord the same respect to your date or partner.

Rights and responsibilities

a procedure to follow if we have a grievance with our workplace

So let’s have a look at some potential things for your list:

·        The right to live free from criticism and judgement

·        The right to live free from accusation and blame

·        The right to live free from emotional and physical threat

·        The right to goodwill from your partner

·        The right to the free from angry outbursts and rage

·        The right to privacy both online and offline

·        The right to say no at any time, even if you’ve said yes before

·        The right to be treated with dignity and respect

·        The right to follow my own values and standards

·        The right to experience and express my feelings

·        The right to change my mind and make mistakes

·        The right to be myself, and feel good about myself

·        The right to end the relationship

·        The right to make decisions about my sexual and reproductive health

·        The right to make health decisions according to my own beliefs and values

·        The right to spend quality time with friends and family

·        The right to only do things that feel right to me

If few or none of those rights are available to you in your current relationship and you can’t imagine they ever would be, please think carefully about whether this relationship is honouring you or gradually wearing away at you on all levels of your health. You deserve better!

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