Why Are Narcissists So Mean?

I’ve always been interested in what makes people tick or as my teacher Tony Robbins would say “what makes people do the things they do”. Many people have had terrible childhoods but not everyone lashes out wanting to hurt others because of this. Many abused children grow up to be caring adults who devote their lives to helping others. So, what makes a narcissist create havoc in other people’s lives. Perhaps it’s because they can and they get a kick out of it. Here’s the Parable of the Scorpion from the book Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist by Ramani Durvasula:

A scorpion sat on the shores of a river one day, needing to get to the other side, but the river was too wide, and there were not enough stones to jump across. He begged the various water birds—mallards and geese and herons—if he could catch a ride, but they pragmatically turned him down, knowing too well his cunning and his sting. He caught sight of the lovely swan making her way down the river and charmingly pleaded to her attributes. “Please, beautiful Swan, take me across the river. I couldn’t imagine harming something as beautiful as you, and it is not in my interest to do so. I simply want to get to the other side of the river.” The swan hesitated, but the scorpion was so charming and convincing. He was close enough to sting her right now, and yet he did not do it.

“Why did you sting me?”

“I’m a scorpion. It’s who I am.”

What could go wrong? The trip across the river would take only a few minutes. She agreed to help him. As they traversed the river, the scorpion expressed his gratitude and continued to offer his compliments about her loveliness and kindness compared to all of the other negligent river birds. As they arrived at the other riverbank, he prepared to jump off. And right before he jumped off of her back, he lifted his tail and stung her. Crying and injured, the swan couldn’t understand why he’d done this, after all the promises, all the flattery, the logical explanations. “Why did you sting me?” she asked. He looked at her from the river bank and said, “I’m a scorpion. It’s who I am.”

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